Sarah, Seamstress Extraordinare, Strikes Again!

I have been feeling entirely too unproductive, so tonight I decide to pop in a few DVDs and sew to my little hearts content.
Vanessa's sister Erika, who is incredibly stylish and absolutely wonderful, has been taking cello lessons. Vans and Erika also happen to have a thing for Italy and are two of the biggest "foodies" I know. So I decided to take some of Erika's loves and combine them into a shirt.
I cut some lemon fabric into the shape of a cello to create a "limoncello." Get it? Good play on words if I do say so myself.
Here are some photos of Erika's "Limoncello" shirt:












The "Limoncello" Detail:

The Top Corner Hearts Detail:

I also made Tina a Halloween shirt. This was a bit easier since I just cut a pin-up out of some fabric I bought. I know, it's not that creative to just cut something out, but I am TERRIBLE at cutting...so it was somewhat of a feat for me. Seriously, I used to get bad marks in Kindergarten for my sub-par cutting and pasting skills.

Here Is Tina's Halloween Shirt:

Pin-Up Detail:

Pumpkin Detail (This One I Actually Did Draw and Cut Myself...So I'm Not a Total Sell-Out :)

Sleeve Button Detail:

And that was how I spent my evening. Old Gregg Shirt Coming Soon...

Sares, Seamstress Extraordinare, or How To Stay Busy Whilst Unemployed

How does one pass their time during unemployment? It is imperative to stay busy otherwise your days will just melt into weeks and those will be lost within the months, and pretty soon you will have no idea where your life has gone.

My suggestion is to find a hobby. What hobby has your skill-less friend found, you ask in slight panic. You know her whims often lead to disaster and trouble. But fear not, little one, this hobby is a safe one. No one was harmed, killed or emotionally destroyed in the enactment of her hobby.
Anyway, I have been sewing, very haphazardly. All I really do is cut out shapes and designs and sew them onto cardigans and shirts. It passes the time while all my partners in crime are contributing to society at work and I have been pleasantly surprised at how well some of my creations have turned out.

Here are a few for your viewing pleasure:

"Land of the Lost" T-Shirt I made for Vanessa

Stanley the Stegosaurus DetailingTerrance the T-Rex DetailingAlice in Wonderland Cardigan I Made Myself"Drink Me" Alice"Painting the Roses Plaid"I Used This Sweater Because There Was a Hole In The Back, So I Patched It Up With Hearts"Flower Power" Shirt I made for Steph. Not My Fav, So I Owe Her Another. Possibly a Hulk Shirt? Hands Off, Scott!!Flower Detailing

Bird Detailing


Sorry about the picture quality. One day I will learn how to effectively use a digital camera.

This Is Not Based On A True Story...It Is A True Story As Unbelieveable As It Is!

To begin this bizarre tale of ultra chic and fabulous ladies, off kilter restaurant owners and adorable weinheimers who secretly want to eat our beloved heroine's face, I should like to express my deepest regret to Christa at her having missed this trip to the outer limits of the twilight zone. And to quote our favorite literary character, the evening began on an odd note and just got "curiouser and curiouser."
Our tale of intrigue begins outside of Peet's coffee as I get into Eggbert, the best car in the world, and turn slightly to my left to find one of Hillcrest's finest homeless men taking a grand ol wiz into the bushes whilst giving me the most delighted smile.
I then drive to La Jolla to meet our other heroine, Yelena, whose life also parallels that of the Twilight Zone (the jury's still out on who attracts more oddities). Of course, when Yelena and I are together, are powers of strange are magnetically linked to harness trips into parallel universes of inexplicable events. I refuse to believe these things can happen in our reality, so I choose to believe we take mini holidays into some wormhole or even the Forbidden Zone.
So I take a little drive while undoubtedly rocking out to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Who doesn't love a good drive while belting out some 80's tunes off key...very off key.
I get to Yelena's and we all get in the Benzie, which basically means a car ride of Zeus trying to eat my face. He's a lovable little 70 pound dog, but I have formed quite the attachment to my face.
Anyway, we decide to go to Bull and Bear in downtown La Jolla because it's uber dog friendly and Yelena has $10 off. Right off the bat everyone is showing Zeus love, no one can resist his big eyes and suave dog charm. This leads to a Venezuelan couple talking to us. Despite my incessant ability to talk about nothing and everything, I always find it odd when random people decide to strike up a conversation with me. But they were nice...and they were awesome company for witnessing the events of the night unfold.
Within a few minutes, this blonde woman walks up to our table and starts lovin all over Zeus. Yelena asks her if she remembers Zeus from the last time they were there, and the woman responds with a lost, vapid look. Then she perks up and says "Girlfriend we have the same jacket. We're totally best friends. It's too bad you're not on the West Coast" and shakes the hand of Yelena, who indeed does have the same jacket, and does a European double cheek kiss with her. She fondles the dog more, then comes back to Yelena, mentions the West Coast, shakes her hand and kisses her.
By this point, I am questioningly looking at this bizarre tableau of familiarity and am wondering who this woman is because my little Ukranian bestie is certainly not into all this touching and kissing.
So after a good ten minutes of petting, kissing, and mention of the West Coast, the woman gives us some breathing air, which is terrific because I am damn near hysterics. I ask Yelena who she is and how she knows her, and she responds with wide, slightly frightened eyes that she does not know her...she is just the OWNER of the restaurant who Yelena had met the last time.
Yelena had gone with Rody and Zeus a few weeks back and the lady had been very friendly and repeated the three same phrases over and over again; however, there had been no kissing before. The three phrases were: What a beautiful dog; I have a chocolate lab; and I just want to take your dog for a walk. So obviously, not too weird that time...just a little over-friendly.
After ordering, crazy owner lady comes back and returns to her ritual of petting Zeus and molesting Yelena. She kept saying "Don't tell anyone," and I couldn't figure out if she meant not to tell anyone that they had the same jacket, which she was incessantly pointing out, or if she was making some type of lesbianic pass at Yelena and didn't want anyone to know.
A million more cheek kisses passed. Crazy again said "It's too bad you're on the West Coast" to which our Ukrainian heroine replied "I am on the West Coast," which thoroughly confused Crazy so much that she went back to bending over right in front of me in her short dress and sexually harassing poor Zeus.
It became undeniably apparent that Crazy was drunk. I was unaware that to be a successful restaurant owner you should be wasted and all over your guests. Now that I know this, I feel I should open a restaurant with a clientele solely made of attractive young men. But I digress, back to our story of nuts displaying their butts to unsuspecting patrons of their sub par restaurant.
So Nutty McNutterson (been hanging out with Steph far too much) is now focusing all of her short attention span on Zeus. In fact, she is now sticking her hand into his mouth which is causing her hand to become scratched. Of course, she is so blitzed she doesn't even realize that his teeth are wreaking minor havoc on her hand. I'm actually pretty sure she was trying to French kiss the dog who we all know wants to eat my face!!
Yelena, being the responsible dog owner that she is, gives the Nutcase a bone to save her hand from any further infliction. She begins to thrust said bone in Zeus mouth and is becoming even more ludicrous by the moment. We look away from this tragic scene for one second, and turn back to find Crackhead crawling on her hands and knees, in a dress no less. She is crawling toward the Venezuelans' table where the bone has gone. Yelena tries to get the attention of the man so that he can grab the bone before the restaurant owner drunkenly crawls on all fours underneath his table; but, alas, she is too late and wackjob is underneath the table reaching for the bone.
We are doing our best to ignore her and avoid more face rape for Yelena. Fate smiles on us and brings one of Crazy's employees out to distract her. At this point, I am beginning to feel that Nutso is just an embarrassment to all these poor souls trying to earn a buck. I hear him say "I'm glad you're back." How could I not resist whispering to Yelena "from rehab?" But, seriously, was she just back from rehab??
The employee then says goodbye and leaves the restaurant. Crazy lets out a girlish giggle and chases after employee, dog bone in hand. We're just happy to be able to begin eating our dinner and pray that she doesn't return until we are done.
You probably think the story is nearing conclusion or that it couldn't get any weirder. But, if you truly know Yelena and myself then you know are auras are actually magnetic fields which attract the queerest of the queer and strangest of the strange. So you would know, the best is yet to come...
We are nearing the end of our meal, and Crazy comes back. She still has bone in hand, but walks right by us without returning the bone. Yelena and I are engaged in conversation when I look up and see Nutter Butter with the dog bone between two fingers a la cigarette and a lighter in the other hand. I have to rub my eyes in disbelief as I see her stick the dog bone into her mouth and try to light it!! I have heard that a dog's mouth is in actuality cleaner than the human mouth, but there is no way in a hell I would ever stick something that a canine had been chewing on into my mouth!!
The dog bone entered and exited her mouth several times. Of course, Yelena didn't even want the bone back. So we choose to try to salvage the rest of our evening with some good conversation with the Venezuelans. Of course, the night couldn't get any weirder, right?
Mid-conversation I look up to find that the restaurant owner has taken off her jacket and pulled down the top of her dress so that her bra was completely exposed! She let her braed boobies hang out for a bit and then instead of pulling the dress back up, she just put her jacket back on.
We go back to our conversation. Now it truly couldn't get any stranger, right?
I hear a man sneeze! So I inadvertently look up to find our three sheets to the wind...scratch that...infinity sheets to the wind hostess sitting on the lap of a man in a wheel chair. Poor man, he can't even run away. She is covering his face in kisses while he keeps sneezing. He keeps trying to wipe the snot away, but she keeps kissing him. I can't decide which is more disturbing...dog bones in mouth or sneeze kisses?
She broke a glass shortly thereafter and disappeared into the back. Probably for another shot. We close our tab and give them the $10 off coupon, which was the whole reason we went there. We get the bill back and I notice that the $10 was not even deducted. I'm about to go inside to say something when Drunky Drunk and the Funky Bunch comes out and starts fondling Zeus again. I look up at Yelena and say "I don't care about the $10...let's go!" So Yelena has to help Crazy up off the floor and we leave...
Poor Zeus was so riled up that he jumped up and bit my stomach a little down the road. I, of course, screamed, which was slightly embarrassing. But his love bite did no damage, and thankfully he didn't eat my face.
In closing, if you need a little weird in your life, hang out with Yelena and me. We don't just get dinner...we also get a free show!!

And so you can get the full scope of the story, I thought I'd share some pictures of the adorableness that is the face-eating Zeus for you.

And here's a lovely one of me trying to feed him a few months ago. We are totally besties when he's not trying to lift up my dress in public places.

Oh My Wacky British Lad

I find myself in a jumble of emotions today. I can't help but feel a bit saddened by Russell Brand hosting the MTV music awards while simultaneously every nerve in my body screams with delight at another opportunity to lustily watch my beloved comedian for two whole hours!

While I love presenting my darling friends with random prezzies and doing whatever I can to get them to smile and brim with feelings of the warm fuzzies, I honestly don't share all that well. Sister Helen Scarry, my second grade teacher, would be sorely disappointed. And so I find myself torn between accepting that the rest of los Estados Unidos will now be more apt to share my love for Mr. Brand and I will perhaps be subjected to seeing little teeny boppers wearing annoyingly short tees that display their prepubescent pierced belly buttons that read "Mrs. Russell Brand," or standing up for what is rightfully mine and sneaking up on these little Hannah Montanas and sticking a wad of gum in their hair in an act of "Step off, bitch! He's mine!!" revenge. I told you, I don't share well. I was born without the Care Bear "Sharing is Caring" gene.

While I sort out my bitter feelings and try to calm my schizo tendencies, I will be taking comfort in Russell's autobiography "My Booky Wook," a tale of sex, drugs, and general debauchery.

I even bribed my father with pouty faces and indentured servitude (basically running to the store to pick up fudgesicles...ew...and coca cola for him) so that he would record the awards on DVD for me. Alas, he could not only tape the Russell Brand parts, so I will be doing much fast forwarding. I haven't even watched the MTV music awards since high school when I had an epiphany and realized MTV was the Antichrist who manifested himself in the form of a music channel that only played reality television. So Russell, that is true love and dedication to you, your ginormously large, feathered hair and your painted on, quite revealing pants.

P.S. This is why I love him. He has this persona of a slightly off, perhaps idiotic man but he does it so ridiculously eloquently. I have an inkling that he may be one of the most brilliant men...ever. He has the best quote about the election...hands down!

"Please elect Barack Obama on behalf of the world," Russell Brand said. "Some people-- I think they're called racists" may not be ready to elect a black man, he said, adding, "It was nice of you to let that retarded cowboy have a go at it."

Things That Make Me Cry On A Sunny San Diego Afternoon

Due to recent events, I often find myself lacking in productivity. This generally leads to me sprawled out on the bed and becoming one big, lifeless drone staring at lackluster videos on youtube for endless amounts of time.

However, the other day I stumbled upon a little gem known as Jim Henson's memorial service. Now, I don't know how well you know me, but to consider yourself my true friend you should know I love all things muppet. Tis true that as a young girl I lusted after David Bowie as Jareth in Labyrinth. Yes, even at eight I swooned for men wearing codpieces in tight white jumpsuits. But even beyond the world on Labyrinth, the creations of Jim Henson always brought a smile to my little freckled face.

So I happily engaged myself in various videos of his memorial service especially after learning that he requested no one wear black and that the "All You Need Is Love" wedding sequence from Love Actually was inspired by the puppet sequence at Mr. Henson's memorial.

I set out to watch a tribute to a man I loved and thought it would be an interesting and insightful experience. What I did not expect was to start bawling at 2pm on an otherwise happy and sunny day. It was so touching and sad, and it made me realize that when I cross over to the big shoe store in the sky...I hope I get as touching a eulogy as well as a musical number performed by puppets.

It also just solidified the fact that I am a complete and utter nerd!

So here for your viewing pleasure, a few outtakes of Jim Henson's memorial(oh! be sure to take note of the man who voices Elmo. Not at all what I expected, but pleasantly surprising :)

I Want To Be Roark!

Hello long lost friends. I've been in trouble for not blogging despite there really being nothing overly exciting to write about...but I thought I'd lay down a few thoughts.

If you've been wondering what I've been up to...it's pretty simple. I swim, I read the Fountainhead (I also finished Enduring Love and some lame chick lit that I got at some girly party I went to with Yelena over a year ago), I sew things onto shirts and sweaters (I made Samantha a cute strawberry shirt for her birthday and made Vans a dinosaur shirt just cuz she's awesome. If you'd like a shirt...let me know), I stream movies on Netflix and today I sat in front of the tv for hours on end and watched a marathon of an ABC family channel show called "Greek." Yes, I feel pretty lame for that one. Feel free to point and laugh. I miss not having cable because when I have it I watch it :(

I did have a fun adventure up to LA with Vanessa and Samantha where I was able to partake in the best vegan ice cream...ever. I also helped Ian and Samantha move into their fabulous new house, which is rad even though it's not in Hillcrest...which will once again be my home. I got to hang out with my brother and common law sis and we watched "The Forbidden Zone" which was fantastical. I would tell you to watch it, but you may not have the same appreciation for its wonder as I do. I have not gotten a lot of quality time with Tina, Christa, Yelena or Jessica...so that needs to happen asap, but other than that life's good, yet fairly uneventful. Oh and I miss Michael lots too :(

Here's my thought of the day...I want to be Howard Roark. I want to have the integrity to do things my way and I want to work hard for it. I don't want to be entitled like Peter, nor as manipulative or lazy. I really don't want to go back to the status quo of working life, but I want to find something I am passionate about and be able to do it my way. So lately I've been thinking about my passions. It seems clear and simple. I love film...especially classic cinema. So I've been thinking about getting my masters in film and being a film teacher. Of course, as many of you know, I am as fickle as a pickle. So tomorrow I may want to once again work at a publishing company or be a vegan shoe designer. But, for now...film professor is my goal. Thoughts?

Word of the Day

Wonky.

Breaking The Circle

It has recently been called to my attention that circles have been removed from our adult lives (read Manther's blog for my details)...and this got me to thinking that no matter how comforting and easy circles can be, sometimes we have to break them.

My current unemployment predicament has one part of me freaking out and on the verge of ripping ever dyed and semi perfectly groomed hair out of my head. But there is another part of me that is loving this Independence. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want, and there isn't a lot holding me back. I am jobless, homeless and single. So if I want to claim unemployment and move to Costa Rica to learn how to surf and play guitar...I can! (Thank you RyRy!) Of course, I'm a little more practical than that...lame. I need to embrace my hippyness a little more. But my point is, as craptastic as my journey has been lately...I have options. I still have a smile on my face, I still have skills, and if all else fails Yelena and Bertha will get me a pole and some tassels and I can strip my way into riches.

So I have decided I have to break my circle. I can't just take a job because I need a job. No more Casa's...no more personal assistant positions. I refuse to compromise myself. I WILL take a low paying job even as an admin assistant if it means I will learn something that will bring me to my ultimate goal, but I will not take a job just for a paycheck.

In less than a week of being laid off, I have had two calls for interviews. I never got called back when I had a job, so this is quite promising. After talking to the hiring managers on the phone, neither job was something I would be happy in. So I turned the interviews down...do you know how good that felt?? AMAZING! I realize practice is important...but I am not spending $25 in gas to go to an interview for a job that I would be unhappy in for a company that potentially tests on animals when I could spend that on lattes so I can check out hot baristas while I hunt for a better job online.

I know what I'm doing, kids...and this time around I am going to be happy doggoneit!

Smooches!!

Sares, the girl who WILL have it all

Surburban Hell

If getting laid off twice in three months time wasn't enough to do me in, moving back to my parent's house could just be enough to push me over the edge.

I have successfully pissed my dear mother off in a variety of ways...whether it be dropping a spot of water on the floor because I didn't dry my hands, or bringing a drink into my bedroom or just not rinsing the shower down after I used it. Perhaps, they should fix their tub that backs up into a lovely lake around my legs every time I shower. Just a thought.

I am totally in suburban hell, right down to the fact that Rancho Bernardo is an unbearably hot senior citizen wasteland. Palm Springs may have been up to 120 degrees on certain days, but at least we had air conditioning. Modern man was not meant to brave these heat spells on his own. When society causes us to be dependent on climate controlling luxuries...we should invest in them!!

There was a return to cooking; however, there was a kitchen Nazi known as mommy dearest hovering over me. There are indeed rules to the kitchen as well. I was being a dutiful daughter and offered to share some of my lovely mushroom & butternut squash risotto with the fam, but of course, Pop Rocks couldn't have any because the broth contains onions. Ridiculous! And don't even get me started on how said risotto would have been a thousand times better had I been able to locate some nutritional yeast in this devil's den known as the suburbs!!

I am actively looking for jobs, but working no longer seems fun. Instead, I do believe I would be content to sit in bed all day and stare longingly at my new barista doll...thank you Saucy Samantha. In fact, maybe we could make a documentary out of it called "Sares and the Real Boy."

It has been made apparent that this time must be used for forward moving (or moving gaily forward. Seriously, Michael told our taxi driver not to go straight, but to proceed gaily forward. Sunshine, shut the hell up...I do not want to be shot by disgruntled taxi driver who already hates us!), finding my new niche and general self improvement. So, I think I want to learn how to play the gee-tar. Perhaps become an instant star? He he he he. But, really...I could see me as a guitar wielding vixen who plays in coffee shops a la Phoebe.

Anyway, my hip hip horrayness at being home is being somewhat crushed by this temporary housing sitch. Def. woken up by loud ass gardener this morning. My dad watches "Lovejoy" every second he is home...and he is borderline deaf, so no matter what I'm doing I end up being forced into the escapades of Lovejoy as well. My mom has made my old bedroom into a present wrapping room...so there is hardly anywhere to unpack. I basically have a dresser full of clothes in my dad's office. My toiletries are jam packed into a tiny space because my old bathroom is being used for cell phone equipment and candle storage. Awesome! I know it's not my house and it's nice they are letting me stay, but still it is somewhat of a headache.

I am escaping this blast into the past tonight since Vanzel is being AMAZING as usual and letting me stay at her place. I should be down in Hillcrest for a few nights this week. I believe the combination of Vans, Sammers, Stephys & my cooking prowess should result in some fantastical meals this week. Yummers.

Signing off!

The Unemployed, Homeless and Overheating in Suburban Hell....Sares

You Are Cordially Invited To My Pity Party

What is wrong with me????????????? After nine years, laid off. After two weeks...two weeks of praising...I'm let go and on the next plane out. Really? Can people tell me what I'm doing wrong? I get great feedback...and then I'm let go?? Not even a chance to fix what is wrong after two weeks?? I'm told I am a wonderful person and I have a great heart and I fit in that aspect, but I leave my glass in a room and I'm out?

Granted, I was not going to come back a meat eating Christian who was all touchy feely. I was more than willing to come back a better version of myself, but not a different version. Surprisingly, with all my flaws, I love who I am and have become in the past few years and I'm not willing to sacrifice that. I love me....maybe that's part of this whole 'masculine' woman business...seriously, do I not wear enough dresses???

Anyway, I understand that the PA needs to be like family and fit in with all their beliefs. While they didn't say any of this outright...all i really got was that she thought I would be miserable because I am not organized since i leave glasses around and because i walk to answer a phone instead of sprinting. I mean, if you told me to sprint...I would have sprinted!!

But, I was thinking the night before that I wanted to quit, but decided I needed to give myself more time to see what it was about. But, really, I couldn't handle being told what I thought when it wasn't what I thought...and totally being told I had an Electra complex on the basis that I said I had a rough relationship with my mom and confided in my dad a lot. Really? Electra complex?? Can't be that my dad is the only one who listens, cares and keeps his mouth shut. Really? I also couldn't handle always being told I looked tired or hungry...or that I was sheltered because of my religious beliefs or not knowing about soaking nuts. I am vegan, for goodness sakes! not part of the raw movement!!

So maybe in the end, I got what I wanted. Although, now I am jobless, homeless, furnitureless and self esteemless. I have no idea what I will be good at since I apparently can't keep a job. I think I am going to be a hermit. At least then I would be self employed.

The moral of the story is...life sucks and then you die. And no matter how good you are or how hard you try, bad things are always bound to happen. So here's my plan to remedy this...I am now going to be uber-feminine, have babies, not even try to work, find some oaf to support me and sit in front of my tv with bon bons and watch Oprah, Tyra, and Dr. Phil, who I will learn to love somehow. At least in this scenario any hurt can be lessened by a good ice creamy dessert and watching people who's lives suck worse than mine on tv.

Thank you for coming to my pity party. Please don't forget to take your party favors (a bottle of 2 buck, a pint of soy ice cream and a subscription to O) on your way out.

No worries, positive "I'm going to make it through this!!" Sarah will be back sometime this week.

More Than A Feeling

So for the last few days I've been driving around in the Range Rover and theMazda Tribute , which is my rental car. Wind blowing through my hair, Journey and Boston blasting through the speakers and my veins. Gotta love More Than A Feeling and Anyway You Want It, which always reminds me of the Saved By The Bell College Years theme song. Odd. Oh, and speaking of Saved By The Bell, saw the episode where Zach and Kelly break up at the dance for the bagillionth time. But, when Slater and Jesse sing the power ballad How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, a tear can't help but come to my eye as I think of Samantha and Michael Bolton's craptastic mullet (Don't be jelly...I miss you all tons and tons. Just and inside joke between me and Saucy). And to conclude the SBTB rant, why is Zach Morris so beautiful? 

Back to driving my big cars...so I've been roaming around Idaho. Seeing fields of green (not to be confused with Erin Field), cows, deer, and lots of stray dogs who like to walk right at your car instead of running away. 

Today as I was driving home I had an epiphany!! I think I need to move to the country, get two big dogs, a big truck and an uberly rugged mountain man who wears flannel. Yeah!! I should totally just be a writer and let my mountain man honey build me fires and maybe even a log cabin. Saucy Samanthers did bring up a good point: rugged mountain men may not be able to love me, seeing as how I'm vegan. Who would cook the venison? But, I ask you this, must mountain man be a hunter? Must he fall in those very restrictive guidelines of mountain man procedure? I think not. I say shame on you for trying to restrict my mountain man, my love, to such rigid protocols. His muscles will be from chopping down trees (of course he will plant two in place of each one he cuts down. Mountain man is an environmentalist!) and lots of vegetable protein! And all you haters are not invited to our lumberjack parties in our log cabin where everyone is required to wear flannel and eat vegan pancakes with maple syrup (a little twist on some QAF fun!)

So I'll be in Idahoooooooo for a few more days. Then off to Canada (probably easier to watch my lame Canadian teen dramas there. Freakin cable!! I miss when I had friends to go out with or coffee shops with hot baristas to read in!) Then I'm off to Fiji, Australia, Kuwait, Mexico and some other places. In the words of the famous Miss Piggy...Yippy Skippy!!

P.S. Funny story for the day...had to take Range Rover to shop to fix slow leak in tire. First the dude was mad at me for pulling up in front of one of the stations. Isn't proper procedure? It's what I've always done and seen done when I get oil changes or go to the shop. He was a wee bit bitchtastic till I got out of the car. Then he was oh so sweet and smooth like honey. He goes away, I pull out my book and start reading. Oh fucking woe is me when I look down to read my book and notice the top 3 buttons on my shirt are undone. How and when did that happen?? Silly, silly Sares. 

You Know What I Really Miss???

Nutch!! Or nutritional yeast for you non-hippies orrrrrr grossness if you are Vans. Funny how I refer to myself as a hippy after driving an suv and wearing my favorite pair of uber expensive Versace sunglasses today. Let's just say I'm a hippy with needs. Fashion needs. 

I did skip driving the Hummer again today. Instead I took the rental Mazda SUV.  I will drive it eventually, but I'm frightened to break my bosses car in my second...or is it third now? week.

Today was somewhat of a day off...I got to go to town and read in a coffee shop for a bit. Out of my three books, I chose "Enduring Love." I know Samantha is planning on reading it next, so I will tell you it is pretty weird; however, it is definitely more eloquently written then "Flowers In The Attic." 

So for the last night and tonight, I've been watching this Canadian teen show called "Degrassi:The Next Generation." Mainly because when I was eight or so, my dad and I would watch the original. Also because we have digital cable and I just don't have the strength to browse. I think it's funny because they try to make it "real" and show things real teens have to deal with. But, I have to admit, in my formative years I did not, nor did my friends, deal with prostitution, school shooting resulting in paralyzation, boyfriend abuse, drugs use and drug selling, fight clubs, blow job clubs, extreme gay bashing, touring with famous bands, famous film makers coming to our school, drag racing, quiz ahow competitions, and sex tapes...I think I may have left some big story lines out. While I don't deny that some of these may happen, I'm not sure allllllll of these would happen to one graduating class or one group of friends. But, hey, I am not denying the entertainment value, although I do feel a bit like a loser. I think I will be turning it off to read shortly.

I have nothing of interest to really add...except I will be looking for a pair of Wellies to wear out here in the Winter. If you see any cute ones, let me know. Ooooh...I think Dr. Martens may be coming back into style, which is uber exciting (Ariel is cringing at me right now). I hope they make vegan ones :)

Peace out home slices!

The Fourth of Jealousy

Just read Samantha's blog and started to cry because I miss everyone :( And she even superimposed my head. I wish I had been there...instead I ate a veggie hot dog with rice cheese which of course has casein, but I didn't want to say anything because they were so nice to go out of their way to get that for me. I am guilted into doing non-vegan things...lame.

Today I woke up and did the usual. TR said I looked pretty in red, and then everyone else said how nice I looked. It made me happy :) We went to town to run some errands. The supermarket featured a lovely man walking by me who suddenly stopped and said "fucking bitch." Then walked over to some woman and started going off on her, she in turn went off on him and kept calling him "dude." This pissed him off to the point where he said "Stop fucking calling me dude. All you people come out here and ruin it for us!!" Apparently she had lived there almost her whole life...so it's really the crazy Californians like me who ruin small town Idaho.

We came back to drop off groceries. I had a buttload of stuff in my hand and as I walked in Missy-O was trying to run out. So I was trying to block her and couldn't catch the door, which slammed shut...while the deadbolt was open. Seriously? F me! F me! I broke the damn front door. Called locksmith, who couldn't come back til later.

Was told to go into town and relax. Liz and I went to a bookstore. Very infuriating experience. They did not have Russell Brand's autobiography "My Booky Wook." Unacceptable! I need that asap. They had NOTHING by by Christopher Moore and I really want to read "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff." And they only had two Chuck Palahniuk books...one of which I had already read. Is it too much to ask for "Invisible Monsters" to be available in a freakin bookstore? So, I settled on "The Omnivore's Dilemma," which seems to be a good read thus far. I should mention I'm still reading "Enduring Love" and "The Fountainhead," but hey! variety is the spice of life!!

While on the subject of books, my apologies Samantha "saucy bimbo" Loveira...I don't know what I was thinking when I said you should read "Flowers in the Attic."

So I went to the local coffee shop "Tullys," which lacks beautiful, greasy baristas in tight pants with medical phenomenons happening down south (and by that, I don't mean where extra length would be helpful), but serves a pretty decent iced soy vanilla latte.

Read a bit...then had to head home to meet the locksmith. On the way home a car full of boys was blocking the road. Then they started driving at us and waving us to stop. Liz stopped and then sped off...she was like I'm not stopping for a car full of boys when it's just two of us in the middle of no where. Then she said her mom would be so proud of her. Apparently, we have the same mom :) Reminded me of the time I got a flat at 12:30 am on my way home to Vista (loooong time ago) I called AAA then I called my dad and made him drive out because tow truck drivers are always so freaky. Unfortunately, a young, cute boy came. Bollocks!

Anyway, locksmith came. Door eventually got fixed. Made fun of myself a good ten times while he fixed it. 

Anyway, that's my update. Miss everyone. Love the superimposing of me in pictures. 

I will leave you with some sexiness known as Russell Brand to get you through the days without me. Although I am sad, I do feel even worse for all of you. It is extremely tragic that no matter how hard people try, they can never be as cool as me...and now that's lacking in your daily lives. Ha ha ha...haven't said that in so long!! XOXOXO 

Roadtrip!

So my day today pretty much involved driving to Twin Falls, Idaho...where the closest best buy is. It was one and a half hours each way, so it was a nice opportunity to clear my head, call my friends, and listen to music.

Of course, while I was running errands in town...I did find a few minutes to pick up some new clothes for myself (what?? I didn't pack enough professional clothes for the upcoming event at the end of July...leave me alone!). The funny thing was, when I came home there were comments on how impressed they were and how speedy I was. Good thing I always go over the speed limit :)

Also, I didn't get lost...aside from the time I wasn't sure if the street I was going down was the correct one because the street changed it's name like 5 times. Damn you, whoever planned the Idahoan road system!

Driving is kind of my form of meditation. While I was driving I was reflecting on my life. Surprisingly, with all the times the shit has hit the fan...I have a pretty fantastic life. I've always had good jobs...despite the laying off...I was able to complete college without student loans and minimal help from my parents, I had the amazing opportunity to study in London and intern at an incredible PR company, and now I'm living my dream of a job that affords me the opportunity to travel and then some. So basically if I ever complain about my life from now on...please feel free to kick me.

Ooh...got to cook again tonight. Made some yummy mango salsa and tofu tacos, which surprisingly tasted like a vegan version of the Taco Bell meximelt...mmm.

I'm finally taking the time to watch movies at night. Last night I watched "The Apartment" It was good...a little depressing, but who doesn't love Jack Lemmon? I certainly do! Tonight I think I'm going on a date with Cary Grant and partaking in a little "To Catch a Thief" action. Gotta love this huge video library (all VHS randomly, but it was inherited by the past owner who was on the Academy Awards board).

So in the next two days there is 1 exciting thing and 1 sad thing. We'll start with sad...it'll be the fourth of July. I don't know what our plans are, but I do know my urban family is having a BBQ and Samantha "Saucy Bimbo" Loveira is making vegan "short ribs." How the hell am I missing that?? Not complaining, just shedding a few tears. No kicking necessary.

The cool thing is Saturday the guy who the character in "Pursuit of Happiness" is based on is coming over. Pretty cool. I thoroughly enjoy people who thrive even when life throws them garden burgers that you later find out have cheese in them. Ok, so that's just something that pisses me off, but you get the idea :)

Miss you all!! Be sure to check out your favorite gnomes letters to each other at www.agnomeawayfromhome.blogspot.com

Oh To Cook Again!

Sautéing  onions never felt so good! I have been missing the feeling of the kitchen. But the other night I was able to make a tofu and veggie stir fry and tonight I got to make some delicious faux chicken tacos with mango salsa....mmmm. I feel whole again.

Now I need to find time to make cupcakes or cookies. I will wow them with my mad baking skills!

My Faux Homeland

Waterlogged

Captain's Log, Stardate 070108: The Starship Sarahprise has encountered a watery disaster. After preparing a yummy chili dinner, I had somewhat of a sweet tooth. So I raided the cupboard and found some kettle korn! After popping the delicious sweet and savory treat, I began to walk back to my room when I encountered a large puddle on the floor...I ran to Liz's room (the current pa) and pulled her out to help me deal with what I thought was a small leak, but was, in fact, a flood of sorts.

We rolled are pants up and laughed hysterically as we explored that vast reaches of the flood, whose origins were a unused toilet in the hallway. How this overflowing of the toilet started, we shall never know. It's kinda like the whole tootsie pop phenomenon.

We ended up laying towels and towels everywhere and the Mrs. came down and plunged the toilet. I was up for it...I was the only one who knew how to turn the water off too, but the Mrs. did just fine. 

*I did take pictures of this, but I don't have my USB cord...sorry*

 

At some point today, I also told her that I ultimately wanted to live in a commune. The idea of being self sustaining seems fantastic; however, I contemplated some and decided it probably wouldn't work for me as I probably wouldn't be able to have access to soy vanilla lattes or Youtube. That might be too much for me.

I've also suddenly had this science fiction craving. I want to re-read A.E. Merritt's "Dwellers In The Mirage" and Douglas Adam's "The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul" as well as the Dragons of Pern series (well at least the first trilogy). I think I may be a nerd. I blame Samantha and Vanessa. Sorry guys, but you nerded me!

On another weird note, I had to contact someone about dictating a letter and sending a dvd out to someone. Well, he was welcoming me and being super nice, but the welcoming keeps going on and on even after the task at hand was completed. It started with where was I from. What do I like to do in San Diego (he does stand up comedy on the weekend, which I am extremely jealous of). Oh you like movies and live music, me too. He's actually was an actor but now he is a sitcom writer. What are your favorite movies. I told him a few. Then he told me his since I asked. Then this last e-mail asked "What movie is best representative of your personality?" WHAT? REALLY?? How do I answer that?? I think I'm going with Little Miss Sunshine. Any suggestions?? 

Anyway, that's all for now. You lucky kids...two blogs in one day. It's like Christmas!! Christmas in July no less!!

Captain Sarah R. Hollander, of the United Federation of Shoe Whores, Captain of the Starship Sarahprise, recording.

Interesting Updates!

Yesterday I was asked to drive into town (like 20 min drive) and run some errands. First time I had been to town alone, but I made it there just fine in my little SUV. Then on the way back, I went the wrong way and drove 20 minutes out of town. It was fun. I didn't have to be anywhere and I got to explore a bit. By explore, I mean I saw lots of trees, lakes and mountains. Oh!! And deer!! Bambis going crazy everywhere!

Anyway, it started getting dark on my way back...the right way back. And I began to think...I don't have cell service, I don't know where I'm going...holy bejesus! What if I get a flat? I don't know how to change one...despite  my dad trying to show me. Wait! Wait!! Oh no!! What if there are like inbred mutants who are going to lay a strip of tacks out, kidnap me, take me to their mountain home and kill me!!!

Thankfully, I made it home safe and sound.

Today, we all played hide and go seek 4 times. Random, I know. But fun. 

Miss you all!

My Fantasy Boy Toy Harem-In Response to Samantha's

Samantha and I often argue over who has stranger taste in men. She blogged about her harem of celeb crushes of oddness and hotness, so I thought I would blog mine. After thinking long and hard, I thought of a few good ones...but lord knows I have many more crushes. Also, after compiling my list...I must concede, for Samantha Love Hewitt does have weirder taste. We must make her a trophy for weirdest crushes. Perhaps a bronze figure combining features of Rick Moranis, Bob Saget and John Goodman.

But, you can be your own judge of who is stranger. Here is my list: 

 Remind anyone of a certain barista? 

  

 

   

.

.

Willem DeFoe...by far my weirdest.

I see Samantha's Bob Saget & raise her an Uncle Jesse! 

Have Mercy!

 

Just be glad I didn't go into classic cinema actors...this already entirely too long list would have been ginormous

It's Been A Hard Day's Night

I just finished a 20 hour workday involving lots of flying, errand running, and general doggie hijinks.

I started in the desert and 7am and then flew to San Diego. For the past few days people keep commenting that I look tired or I look hungry, etc, etc and I generally don't feel what they are describing me as. I find it generally frustrating as I don't want to appear worn when I still have a bundle of energy. I try to convey this, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Today I didn't wear much make-up, just mascara. My boss thought I looked like I was crying and the housekeeper agreed. What is this? I was fine!! Am I just generally tired, hungry and sad looking without the aid of of poof of powder and a schmear of blush?? This just makes me sad. I am like the ugly duckling who just wants to be the kick ass swan who not only can, but looks ready, to handle any given situation. Top item on my grocery list...some form of miracle eye cream. Any suggestions??

Then we fly to my hometown of San Diego. Flying over downtown skyscrapers and the beauty of SD broke my heart a little bit, and driving past where I used to live almost brought a tear to my eye, which certainly couldn't happen after the morning catastrophe!

I ran around all day between La Jolla, Point Loma and Hillcrest. La Estancia, upscale dog boutiques, costco, The Brigantine, some quaint mediterranean bistro, etc. etc. etc.  I finally had a moment to meet up with my long lost Hillcrest loves when I had to run to the Hillcrest Whole Foods to buy some Sigg water bottles for my boss, which are apparently a hot commodity because there aren't many left at the La Jolla or Hillcrest Whole Foods. Anyway, called the Hillcrest locals, but alas, they were all busy going to dinner at Sushi Deli. Sigh and a little jealousy running through my lonely veins. What I would give for a shauna roll (minus the cream cheese of course!) and a seaweed salad!! But, I understand. Sushi Deli does involve a long wait and some pretty strict rules too...so can't be mad just v. v. sad. Anyway stayed in SD til midnightish. Stopped at In and Out first, which is a stressful, busy day ritual. I was told I would have to find something I could eat there because it is a total ritual. I settled on some yummy fries. Mmmm...

Anyhow, flew out of Palomar Airport, which was purdy cool. Got into Idaho around 3:30am. Got to the house a little after 4am. Unpacked the car and then logged on to my computer to check on my long lost loves and update ya'll. 

Get to sleep in til noon after a crazy 20 hour day. Yay!! Then I think tomorrow is supposed to be kinda kick back...double yay. Maybe I will explore Idaho!!!

Christa

I miss you, your cheekbones, and your kitty who wants to steal my soul and eat my face!

P.S.

Happy Birthday Tina!! I love you almost as much as you loved 'Nsync at 17.

Ramblings of A Mad Woman

Holy Bejesus!! Picture this...you just got off a 12 hour work day. You have absolutely no food and need something so your stomach stops going "grrr...raaarrrrr...rrrrrgg" So you stop by Ralphs because no good whole food type stores are open at almost 10pm. 

So you're shopping, you're browsing...no vegan veggie burgers....no dairy free ice cream (totally jonesing for some sugary sweetness to keep me going)...wait...wait. Raw nuts! Yay! Something finally. Then you make your way to the cracker aisle and your phone goes...

Baaarrriiiinnggg....

Or perhaps it plays a lovely Kate Nash melody as it did in my case. So you look down and you see it's Vans!! Yayayayyy!! She hasn't answered my calls or texts in days!! Not since she got her new phone! 

So you pick up and lo and behold...Vans must have some bad chocolate souffle or something because she sounds like a middle aged cholo.

Wait...this isn't Vans...holy shit. More holy shits come when he starts asking why I've been calling his son and sending him text messages. I apologize and explain my friend just got a new number. All is well in chololand.

But then, immediately as I hang up, I realize I sent Vans a text that def. contained the word orgasm! Tarnations! I may have corrupted a young child with my hussy speak or sailor swearing. Oh no!! 

Anyway, I miss my kitchen and cooking fresh veggies and lovely dinners almost every night. Basically, I am living off of dry toast, bananas, apples, raw almonds and carrot sticks...which Daisy crawled into my purse and stole today. I'm pretty sure I don't want to kill my bosses dog with a carrot stick which is almost as big as her itty bitty puppy body. Luckily, I was able to add the healthiness :) of double stuffed peanut butter oreos to my diet today. Yum yum. Too bad I really want some Newman Ginger O's. Poooooooooo!!

Quick...someone fed ex me some Cafe Chloe lavendar lemonade and a Peet's iced soy vanilla latte complete with magically delicious barista.

Thank you and good night!