So you're shopping, you're browsing...no vegan veggie burgers....no dairy free ice cream (totally jonesing for some sugary sweetness to keep me going)...wait...wait. Raw nuts! Yay! Something finally. Then you make your way to the cracker aisle and your phone goes...
Baaarrriiiinnggg....
Or perhaps it plays a lovely Kate Nash melody as it did in my case. So you look down and you see it's Vans!! Yayayayyy!! She hasn't answered my calls or texts in days!! Not since she got her new phone!
So you pick up and lo and behold...Vans must have some bad chocolate souffle or something because she sounds like a middle aged cholo.
Wait...this isn't Vans...holy shit. More holy shits come when he starts asking why I've been calling his son and sending him text messages. I apologize and explain my friend just got a new number. All is well in chololand.
But then, immediately as I hang up, I realize I sent Vans a text that def. contained the word orgasm! Tarnations! I may have corrupted a young child with my hussy speak or sailor swearing. Oh no!!
Anyway, I miss my kitchen and cooking fresh veggies and lovely dinners almost every night. Basically, I am living off of dry toast, bananas, apples, raw almonds and carrot sticks...which Daisy crawled into my purse and stole today. I'm pretty sure I don't want to kill my bosses dog with a carrot stick which is almost as big as her itty bitty puppy body. Luckily, I was able to add the healthiness :) of double stuffed peanut butter oreos to my diet today. Yum yum. Too bad I really want some Newman Ginger O's. Poooooooooo!!
Quick...someone fed ex me some Cafe Chloe lavendar lemonade and a Peet's iced soy vanilla latte complete with magically delicious barista.
Thank you and good night!
2 comments:
Wow. That got me all antsy. Your frantic pace is seeping into my being!
I especially like the part where you corrupted a small child. That's always good times...
And why must you choose such difficult things to FedEx? I don't think I have a barista-sized box.
Tarnation, indeed!
Lay off the poor kids. You should have told that cholo to get off his son/your lover's phone. It was aq private message between the two of you.
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