Breaking The Circle

It has recently been called to my attention that circles have been removed from our adult lives (read Manther's blog for my details)...and this got me to thinking that no matter how comforting and easy circles can be, sometimes we have to break them.

My current unemployment predicament has one part of me freaking out and on the verge of ripping ever dyed and semi perfectly groomed hair out of my head. But there is another part of me that is loving this Independence. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want, and there isn't a lot holding me back. I am jobless, homeless and single. So if I want to claim unemployment and move to Costa Rica to learn how to surf and play guitar...I can! (Thank you RyRy!) Of course, I'm a little more practical than that...lame. I need to embrace my hippyness a little more. But my point is, as craptastic as my journey has been lately...I have options. I still have a smile on my face, I still have skills, and if all else fails Yelena and Bertha will get me a pole and some tassels and I can strip my way into riches.

So I have decided I have to break my circle. I can't just take a job because I need a job. No more Casa's...no more personal assistant positions. I refuse to compromise myself. I WILL take a low paying job even as an admin assistant if it means I will learn something that will bring me to my ultimate goal, but I will not take a job just for a paycheck.

In less than a week of being laid off, I have had two calls for interviews. I never got called back when I had a job, so this is quite promising. After talking to the hiring managers on the phone, neither job was something I would be happy in. So I turned the interviews down...do you know how good that felt?? AMAZING! I realize practice is important...but I am not spending $25 in gas to go to an interview for a job that I would be unhappy in for a company that potentially tests on animals when I could spend that on lattes so I can check out hot baristas while I hunt for a better job online.

I know what I'm doing, kids...and this time around I am going to be happy doggoneit!

Smooches!!

Sares, the girl who WILL have it all

Surburban Hell

If getting laid off twice in three months time wasn't enough to do me in, moving back to my parent's house could just be enough to push me over the edge.

I have successfully pissed my dear mother off in a variety of ways...whether it be dropping a spot of water on the floor because I didn't dry my hands, or bringing a drink into my bedroom or just not rinsing the shower down after I used it. Perhaps, they should fix their tub that backs up into a lovely lake around my legs every time I shower. Just a thought.

I am totally in suburban hell, right down to the fact that Rancho Bernardo is an unbearably hot senior citizen wasteland. Palm Springs may have been up to 120 degrees on certain days, but at least we had air conditioning. Modern man was not meant to brave these heat spells on his own. When society causes us to be dependent on climate controlling luxuries...we should invest in them!!

There was a return to cooking; however, there was a kitchen Nazi known as mommy dearest hovering over me. There are indeed rules to the kitchen as well. I was being a dutiful daughter and offered to share some of my lovely mushroom & butternut squash risotto with the fam, but of course, Pop Rocks couldn't have any because the broth contains onions. Ridiculous! And don't even get me started on how said risotto would have been a thousand times better had I been able to locate some nutritional yeast in this devil's den known as the suburbs!!

I am actively looking for jobs, but working no longer seems fun. Instead, I do believe I would be content to sit in bed all day and stare longingly at my new barista doll...thank you Saucy Samantha. In fact, maybe we could make a documentary out of it called "Sares and the Real Boy."

It has been made apparent that this time must be used for forward moving (or moving gaily forward. Seriously, Michael told our taxi driver not to go straight, but to proceed gaily forward. Sunshine, shut the hell up...I do not want to be shot by disgruntled taxi driver who already hates us!), finding my new niche and general self improvement. So, I think I want to learn how to play the gee-tar. Perhaps become an instant star? He he he he. But, really...I could see me as a guitar wielding vixen who plays in coffee shops a la Phoebe.

Anyway, my hip hip horrayness at being home is being somewhat crushed by this temporary housing sitch. Def. woken up by loud ass gardener this morning. My dad watches "Lovejoy" every second he is home...and he is borderline deaf, so no matter what I'm doing I end up being forced into the escapades of Lovejoy as well. My mom has made my old bedroom into a present wrapping room...so there is hardly anywhere to unpack. I basically have a dresser full of clothes in my dad's office. My toiletries are jam packed into a tiny space because my old bathroom is being used for cell phone equipment and candle storage. Awesome! I know it's not my house and it's nice they are letting me stay, but still it is somewhat of a headache.

I am escaping this blast into the past tonight since Vanzel is being AMAZING as usual and letting me stay at her place. I should be down in Hillcrest for a few nights this week. I believe the combination of Vans, Sammers, Stephys & my cooking prowess should result in some fantastical meals this week. Yummers.

Signing off!

The Unemployed, Homeless and Overheating in Suburban Hell....Sares

You Are Cordially Invited To My Pity Party

What is wrong with me????????????? After nine years, laid off. After two weeks...two weeks of praising...I'm let go and on the next plane out. Really? Can people tell me what I'm doing wrong? I get great feedback...and then I'm let go?? Not even a chance to fix what is wrong after two weeks?? I'm told I am a wonderful person and I have a great heart and I fit in that aspect, but I leave my glass in a room and I'm out?

Granted, I was not going to come back a meat eating Christian who was all touchy feely. I was more than willing to come back a better version of myself, but not a different version. Surprisingly, with all my flaws, I love who I am and have become in the past few years and I'm not willing to sacrifice that. I love me....maybe that's part of this whole 'masculine' woman business...seriously, do I not wear enough dresses???

Anyway, I understand that the PA needs to be like family and fit in with all their beliefs. While they didn't say any of this outright...all i really got was that she thought I would be miserable because I am not organized since i leave glasses around and because i walk to answer a phone instead of sprinting. I mean, if you told me to sprint...I would have sprinted!!

But, I was thinking the night before that I wanted to quit, but decided I needed to give myself more time to see what it was about. But, really, I couldn't handle being told what I thought when it wasn't what I thought...and totally being told I had an Electra complex on the basis that I said I had a rough relationship with my mom and confided in my dad a lot. Really? Electra complex?? Can't be that my dad is the only one who listens, cares and keeps his mouth shut. Really? I also couldn't handle always being told I looked tired or hungry...or that I was sheltered because of my religious beliefs or not knowing about soaking nuts. I am vegan, for goodness sakes! not part of the raw movement!!

So maybe in the end, I got what I wanted. Although, now I am jobless, homeless, furnitureless and self esteemless. I have no idea what I will be good at since I apparently can't keep a job. I think I am going to be a hermit. At least then I would be self employed.

The moral of the story is...life sucks and then you die. And no matter how good you are or how hard you try, bad things are always bound to happen. So here's my plan to remedy this...I am now going to be uber-feminine, have babies, not even try to work, find some oaf to support me and sit in front of my tv with bon bons and watch Oprah, Tyra, and Dr. Phil, who I will learn to love somehow. At least in this scenario any hurt can be lessened by a good ice creamy dessert and watching people who's lives suck worse than mine on tv.

Thank you for coming to my pity party. Please don't forget to take your party favors (a bottle of 2 buck, a pint of soy ice cream and a subscription to O) on your way out.

No worries, positive "I'm going to make it through this!!" Sarah will be back sometime this week.

More Than A Feeling

So for the last few days I've been driving around in the Range Rover and theMazda Tribute , which is my rental car. Wind blowing through my hair, Journey and Boston blasting through the speakers and my veins. Gotta love More Than A Feeling and Anyway You Want It, which always reminds me of the Saved By The Bell College Years theme song. Odd. Oh, and speaking of Saved By The Bell, saw the episode where Zach and Kelly break up at the dance for the bagillionth time. But, when Slater and Jesse sing the power ballad How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, a tear can't help but come to my eye as I think of Samantha and Michael Bolton's craptastic mullet (Don't be jelly...I miss you all tons and tons. Just and inside joke between me and Saucy). And to conclude the SBTB rant, why is Zach Morris so beautiful? 

Back to driving my big cars...so I've been roaming around Idaho. Seeing fields of green (not to be confused with Erin Field), cows, deer, and lots of stray dogs who like to walk right at your car instead of running away. 

Today as I was driving home I had an epiphany!! I think I need to move to the country, get two big dogs, a big truck and an uberly rugged mountain man who wears flannel. Yeah!! I should totally just be a writer and let my mountain man honey build me fires and maybe even a log cabin. Saucy Samanthers did bring up a good point: rugged mountain men may not be able to love me, seeing as how I'm vegan. Who would cook the venison? But, I ask you this, must mountain man be a hunter? Must he fall in those very restrictive guidelines of mountain man procedure? I think not. I say shame on you for trying to restrict my mountain man, my love, to such rigid protocols. His muscles will be from chopping down trees (of course he will plant two in place of each one he cuts down. Mountain man is an environmentalist!) and lots of vegetable protein! And all you haters are not invited to our lumberjack parties in our log cabin where everyone is required to wear flannel and eat vegan pancakes with maple syrup (a little twist on some QAF fun!)

So I'll be in Idahoooooooo for a few more days. Then off to Canada (probably easier to watch my lame Canadian teen dramas there. Freakin cable!! I miss when I had friends to go out with or coffee shops with hot baristas to read in!) Then I'm off to Fiji, Australia, Kuwait, Mexico and some other places. In the words of the famous Miss Piggy...Yippy Skippy!!

P.S. Funny story for the day...had to take Range Rover to shop to fix slow leak in tire. First the dude was mad at me for pulling up in front of one of the stations. Isn't proper procedure? It's what I've always done and seen done when I get oil changes or go to the shop. He was a wee bit bitchtastic till I got out of the car. Then he was oh so sweet and smooth like honey. He goes away, I pull out my book and start reading. Oh fucking woe is me when I look down to read my book and notice the top 3 buttons on my shirt are undone. How and when did that happen?? Silly, silly Sares. 

You Know What I Really Miss???

Nutch!! Or nutritional yeast for you non-hippies orrrrrr grossness if you are Vans. Funny how I refer to myself as a hippy after driving an suv and wearing my favorite pair of uber expensive Versace sunglasses today. Let's just say I'm a hippy with needs. Fashion needs. 

I did skip driving the Hummer again today. Instead I took the rental Mazda SUV.  I will drive it eventually, but I'm frightened to break my bosses car in my second...or is it third now? week.

Today was somewhat of a day off...I got to go to town and read in a coffee shop for a bit. Out of my three books, I chose "Enduring Love." I know Samantha is planning on reading it next, so I will tell you it is pretty weird; however, it is definitely more eloquently written then "Flowers In The Attic." 

So for the last night and tonight, I've been watching this Canadian teen show called "Degrassi:The Next Generation." Mainly because when I was eight or so, my dad and I would watch the original. Also because we have digital cable and I just don't have the strength to browse. I think it's funny because they try to make it "real" and show things real teens have to deal with. But, I have to admit, in my formative years I did not, nor did my friends, deal with prostitution, school shooting resulting in paralyzation, boyfriend abuse, drugs use and drug selling, fight clubs, blow job clubs, extreme gay bashing, touring with famous bands, famous film makers coming to our school, drag racing, quiz ahow competitions, and sex tapes...I think I may have left some big story lines out. While I don't deny that some of these may happen, I'm not sure allllllll of these would happen to one graduating class or one group of friends. But, hey, I am not denying the entertainment value, although I do feel a bit like a loser. I think I will be turning it off to read shortly.

I have nothing of interest to really add...except I will be looking for a pair of Wellies to wear out here in the Winter. If you see any cute ones, let me know. Ooooh...I think Dr. Martens may be coming back into style, which is uber exciting (Ariel is cringing at me right now). I hope they make vegan ones :)

Peace out home slices!

The Fourth of Jealousy

Just read Samantha's blog and started to cry because I miss everyone :( And she even superimposed my head. I wish I had been there...instead I ate a veggie hot dog with rice cheese which of course has casein, but I didn't want to say anything because they were so nice to go out of their way to get that for me. I am guilted into doing non-vegan things...lame.

Today I woke up and did the usual. TR said I looked pretty in red, and then everyone else said how nice I looked. It made me happy :) We went to town to run some errands. The supermarket featured a lovely man walking by me who suddenly stopped and said "fucking bitch." Then walked over to some woman and started going off on her, she in turn went off on him and kept calling him "dude." This pissed him off to the point where he said "Stop fucking calling me dude. All you people come out here and ruin it for us!!" Apparently she had lived there almost her whole life...so it's really the crazy Californians like me who ruin small town Idaho.

We came back to drop off groceries. I had a buttload of stuff in my hand and as I walked in Missy-O was trying to run out. So I was trying to block her and couldn't catch the door, which slammed shut...while the deadbolt was open. Seriously? F me! F me! I broke the damn front door. Called locksmith, who couldn't come back til later.

Was told to go into town and relax. Liz and I went to a bookstore. Very infuriating experience. They did not have Russell Brand's autobiography "My Booky Wook." Unacceptable! I need that asap. They had NOTHING by by Christopher Moore and I really want to read "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff." And they only had two Chuck Palahniuk books...one of which I had already read. Is it too much to ask for "Invisible Monsters" to be available in a freakin bookstore? So, I settled on "The Omnivore's Dilemma," which seems to be a good read thus far. I should mention I'm still reading "Enduring Love" and "The Fountainhead," but hey! variety is the spice of life!!

While on the subject of books, my apologies Samantha "saucy bimbo" Loveira...I don't know what I was thinking when I said you should read "Flowers in the Attic."

So I went to the local coffee shop "Tullys," which lacks beautiful, greasy baristas in tight pants with medical phenomenons happening down south (and by that, I don't mean where extra length would be helpful), but serves a pretty decent iced soy vanilla latte.

Read a bit...then had to head home to meet the locksmith. On the way home a car full of boys was blocking the road. Then they started driving at us and waving us to stop. Liz stopped and then sped off...she was like I'm not stopping for a car full of boys when it's just two of us in the middle of no where. Then she said her mom would be so proud of her. Apparently, we have the same mom :) Reminded me of the time I got a flat at 12:30 am on my way home to Vista (loooong time ago) I called AAA then I called my dad and made him drive out because tow truck drivers are always so freaky. Unfortunately, a young, cute boy came. Bollocks!

Anyway, locksmith came. Door eventually got fixed. Made fun of myself a good ten times while he fixed it. 

Anyway, that's my update. Miss everyone. Love the superimposing of me in pictures. 

I will leave you with some sexiness known as Russell Brand to get you through the days without me. Although I am sad, I do feel even worse for all of you. It is extremely tragic that no matter how hard people try, they can never be as cool as me...and now that's lacking in your daily lives. Ha ha ha...haven't said that in so long!! XOXOXO 

Roadtrip!

So my day today pretty much involved driving to Twin Falls, Idaho...where the closest best buy is. It was one and a half hours each way, so it was a nice opportunity to clear my head, call my friends, and listen to music.

Of course, while I was running errands in town...I did find a few minutes to pick up some new clothes for myself (what?? I didn't pack enough professional clothes for the upcoming event at the end of July...leave me alone!). The funny thing was, when I came home there were comments on how impressed they were and how speedy I was. Good thing I always go over the speed limit :)

Also, I didn't get lost...aside from the time I wasn't sure if the street I was going down was the correct one because the street changed it's name like 5 times. Damn you, whoever planned the Idahoan road system!

Driving is kind of my form of meditation. While I was driving I was reflecting on my life. Surprisingly, with all the times the shit has hit the fan...I have a pretty fantastic life. I've always had good jobs...despite the laying off...I was able to complete college without student loans and minimal help from my parents, I had the amazing opportunity to study in London and intern at an incredible PR company, and now I'm living my dream of a job that affords me the opportunity to travel and then some. So basically if I ever complain about my life from now on...please feel free to kick me.

Ooh...got to cook again tonight. Made some yummy mango salsa and tofu tacos, which surprisingly tasted like a vegan version of the Taco Bell meximelt...mmm.

I'm finally taking the time to watch movies at night. Last night I watched "The Apartment" It was good...a little depressing, but who doesn't love Jack Lemmon? I certainly do! Tonight I think I'm going on a date with Cary Grant and partaking in a little "To Catch a Thief" action. Gotta love this huge video library (all VHS randomly, but it was inherited by the past owner who was on the Academy Awards board).

So in the next two days there is 1 exciting thing and 1 sad thing. We'll start with sad...it'll be the fourth of July. I don't know what our plans are, but I do know my urban family is having a BBQ and Samantha "Saucy Bimbo" Loveira is making vegan "short ribs." How the hell am I missing that?? Not complaining, just shedding a few tears. No kicking necessary.

The cool thing is Saturday the guy who the character in "Pursuit of Happiness" is based on is coming over. Pretty cool. I thoroughly enjoy people who thrive even when life throws them garden burgers that you later find out have cheese in them. Ok, so that's just something that pisses me off, but you get the idea :)

Miss you all!! Be sure to check out your favorite gnomes letters to each other at www.agnomeawayfromhome.blogspot.com

Oh To Cook Again!

Sautéing  onions never felt so good! I have been missing the feeling of the kitchen. But the other night I was able to make a tofu and veggie stir fry and tonight I got to make some delicious faux chicken tacos with mango salsa....mmmm. I feel whole again.

Now I need to find time to make cupcakes or cookies. I will wow them with my mad baking skills!

My Faux Homeland

Waterlogged

Captain's Log, Stardate 070108: The Starship Sarahprise has encountered a watery disaster. After preparing a yummy chili dinner, I had somewhat of a sweet tooth. So I raided the cupboard and found some kettle korn! After popping the delicious sweet and savory treat, I began to walk back to my room when I encountered a large puddle on the floor...I ran to Liz's room (the current pa) and pulled her out to help me deal with what I thought was a small leak, but was, in fact, a flood of sorts.

We rolled are pants up and laughed hysterically as we explored that vast reaches of the flood, whose origins were a unused toilet in the hallway. How this overflowing of the toilet started, we shall never know. It's kinda like the whole tootsie pop phenomenon.

We ended up laying towels and towels everywhere and the Mrs. came down and plunged the toilet. I was up for it...I was the only one who knew how to turn the water off too, but the Mrs. did just fine. 

*I did take pictures of this, but I don't have my USB cord...sorry*

 

At some point today, I also told her that I ultimately wanted to live in a commune. The idea of being self sustaining seems fantastic; however, I contemplated some and decided it probably wouldn't work for me as I probably wouldn't be able to have access to soy vanilla lattes or Youtube. That might be too much for me.

I've also suddenly had this science fiction craving. I want to re-read A.E. Merritt's "Dwellers In The Mirage" and Douglas Adam's "The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul" as well as the Dragons of Pern series (well at least the first trilogy). I think I may be a nerd. I blame Samantha and Vanessa. Sorry guys, but you nerded me!

On another weird note, I had to contact someone about dictating a letter and sending a dvd out to someone. Well, he was welcoming me and being super nice, but the welcoming keeps going on and on even after the task at hand was completed. It started with where was I from. What do I like to do in San Diego (he does stand up comedy on the weekend, which I am extremely jealous of). Oh you like movies and live music, me too. He's actually was an actor but now he is a sitcom writer. What are your favorite movies. I told him a few. Then he told me his since I asked. Then this last e-mail asked "What movie is best representative of your personality?" WHAT? REALLY?? How do I answer that?? I think I'm going with Little Miss Sunshine. Any suggestions?? 

Anyway, that's all for now. You lucky kids...two blogs in one day. It's like Christmas!! Christmas in July no less!!

Captain Sarah R. Hollander, of the United Federation of Shoe Whores, Captain of the Starship Sarahprise, recording.

Interesting Updates!

Yesterday I was asked to drive into town (like 20 min drive) and run some errands. First time I had been to town alone, but I made it there just fine in my little SUV. Then on the way back, I went the wrong way and drove 20 minutes out of town. It was fun. I didn't have to be anywhere and I got to explore a bit. By explore, I mean I saw lots of trees, lakes and mountains. Oh!! And deer!! Bambis going crazy everywhere!

Anyway, it started getting dark on my way back...the right way back. And I began to think...I don't have cell service, I don't know where I'm going...holy bejesus! What if I get a flat? I don't know how to change one...despite  my dad trying to show me. Wait! Wait!! Oh no!! What if there are like inbred mutants who are going to lay a strip of tacks out, kidnap me, take me to their mountain home and kill me!!!

Thankfully, I made it home safe and sound.

Today, we all played hide and go seek 4 times. Random, I know. But fun. 

Miss you all!